10-11-13 Carseat Arms

Last weekend we enjoyed church services with our congregation in Detroit, MI. They are a small congregation, but the Spirit is alive and they are blessed, and we were blessed to be there. During the afternoon service, I watched an interesting occurrence unfold in my bench.  Without being too lengthy, I’ll try to share it. Abby is 8 months old and cute as a button, as 8-month-olds tend to be. Kate started out holding her, and, while Abby was doing fine, Kate kindly let Sarah have a turn. Abby did okay for Sarah, but when Abby got squirmy, Sarah relinquished her back to Kate for another turn. Abby’s squirms continued, and Kate soon gave Abby to Tori. All this time, Abby was quiet, not making a disturbance to others, but just squirmy and not content to sit still, as 8-month-olds can be. Tori did well for awhile, but by this time Abby was tired of her toys and tired of sitting, so Tori then passed her on. Next stop was me, before Abby’s Mommy, and since I love the little squirt as much as my girls do, I kept her on my lap until church was over. The interesting occurrence? No squirming. For the first minute or so, Abby tried to squirm backwards, turn around, wiggle down, much as she did for the girls, but these attempts didn’t last very long, and I enjoyed having this sweet baby on my lap for a little bit. Now, why did she sit nicely for me but not the girls?

Well, three reasons came to mind, although there might be more.

First of all, I am a mom, they are not, and babies just know that.

Secondly, I have this expectation that since children can and do sit still in a carseat, sometimes for hours on end, they are perfectly capable of sitting still in church for an hour or so. When my babies were little I coined the term ‘carseat arms’ because just as a carseat doesn’t give up its cargo, so I didn’t either. Squirming was met with resistance in the form of very stiff, unmoving arms, and, simply put, I’m stronger. After a few attempts, with no success, most children give up quickly and sit nicely, and the battle is over. True, some children are more energetic or stubborn than others, but even those children don’t escape from their carseats. Why? Because the law says they will be in carseats, so parents do what they have to do to keep their children there, safely.

Which leads me to the third reason Abby sat so nicely on my lap. Often our young children need to be preoccupied while they are in the carseat, and this need differs greatly from child to child. Some of our kids didn’t need any preoccupation. Two fingers and a blankie were all Jewel needed. Kate’s thumb was pretty handy too. Other kids had no such pacifier and were also more wiggly by nature. That’s just how some kids are, you know? For those kids, both in the carseat and at church, we helped them learn to accept the limitation of the carseat or carseat arms by preoccupying them. A few toys, a tube of hand lotion, maybe a coin purse, a wallet – all fair game as long as it was small enough to fit in my purse and quiet so it wouldn’t disturb others. Tractors didn’t work well because tractors go, “Brrrmmm brrmmm”, right?

When babies would drop toys often, I would take a Boomerings chain and attach two or three toys to it. Holding one end, I could quickly pull it back up when a toy at the other end was dropped. No more yo-yo Mommy, no more disturbing those near me, no more lost toys. I also used a spiral telephone-style cord (think old-fashioned telephone) with a few keychain toys on the end (again, no tractor), which I could change out every few minutes. I tried to offer a different toy every five minutes or so; my eight or nine items usually helped baby sit quietly during a normal service. Cheerios, pretzel pieces, or other small snacks offered occasionally can also preoccupy little ones.  I made my babies ‘work’ for their snacks; that is, I would enclose it in my fist after I showed it to them. They would pry my fingers back one by one until they could get at the treat. Even my squirmiest babies were usually occupied by this game for a time. I also had a ‘church toy box’ at home, and every couple of weeks I would rotate items so baby wouldn’t get bored with the same ones. Thus pleasantly occupied while on my lap, baby would sit nicely for an hour or so.

If not, rather than give in and let them down and thus undo all they had learned about sitting still, we’d go out to the back hall or baby room where a little noise didn’t matter if they cried when I wouldn’t let them down. Usually I didn’t let them get off my lap (although I would occasionally) because I didn’t want to reward the negative behavior which caused us to leave the sanctuary.

Why this expectation that they sit nicely? One, it is much easier to focus on the sermon when baby is still. Two, baby doesn’t get bonks or fall down if he is sitting still. Three, there is minimal disturbance to others. Four, if on a special occasion you wish to sit in front with baby, he does ok. Five, because he CAN do it!  Six, it is teaching him reverence and proper behavior while in church.  And last, it is very relaxing to Mommy! After a week of homemaking and housekeeping when baby snuggles are hard to come by, what a gift to cuddle this precious little one on your lap for an hour, with no laundry, cooking, telephone, etc. to call you away!

One more thing. Had Abby’s mommy not had the same expectation that I did, that she could sit nicely for church, Abby would not have submitted to my arms so quickly. Of course she tried the squiggle wiggles with the girls, and in their inexperience and youth, they let her turn around, stand up, sit down, and constantly squirm and fidget. With me, meeting the same firm arms as her mommy, she quickly realized the expectation and settled right down with a toy. Babies are amazing that way, you know? Just because they cannot communicate with us, we think they don’t understand much, but oh yes they do. They absolutely do!

In conclusion.

If you’re a mom and your church services aren’t as calm as you’d like, try using carseat arms along with a few new items for each service. An older baby might be more difficult to teach than a young one, but with constant effort and consistent consequence, he too can learn the boundaries.

Just like he does in his carseat.

 

…that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.

I Timothy 3:15