Fourteen years ago, I never contemplated what thoughts I would experience the autumn my oldest left home. I only knew I had a formidable task before me with the decision to home educate our children. After traveling some rough miles on this journey of “bringing back the home to the center of life,” I want to share 25 lessons I’ve learned, hoping that they will be beneficial to other parents who are in the midst of educational decisions.
I don’t know who wrote this paper. It was given to me by a dear friend (you know who you are!) who copied it from our church Homemaker Helper newsletter (now Titus 2 Ministries) about 20 years ago. It immediately resonated with me, and I have re-read this paper dozens of times over the past years. These practical reminders have many times brought me back to focus on what is really important in our home, and its simple tips and helpful ideas have greatly shaped our homeschool. May God bless the dear sister who wrote this. I’m sure she had no idea how it would impact our life.
I wrote this response to send to a cousin (you know who you are!) about 16? years ago and have updated it a couple of times since. I wrote this response hoping my thoughts could bless Carrie like the original author’s thoughts have blessed and continue to bless me. I now have about 24 years of experience, and by no means do I have all the answers, but I guess I hope I’ve maybe learned a little bit of something…this is my 2c for whatever it’s worth. Talk, ponder & pray over what’s helpful…leave what’s not!
1. I’ve learned that the first task as a mother (let alone a teacher) of my children should have been to TRAIN THEM TO OBEY FIRST COMMAND. (Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20). Before any curriculum choosing…before any school room decorating…before…before... ANYTHING. One of Satan’s greatest snares lies here. (Did I really think a teenager would be easier to train into obedience than a toddler?)
I agree 100%. In Pursuit of Godly Seed by Denny Kenaston was very helpful to us in this area. Also he does a tape set called “The Godly Home” that is excellent.
2. I’ve learned that no curriculum will save a child from his sinful nature. All along God was telling me to focus on CHARACTER, not curriculum. My main goal now in home education is seeking the hearts of my children.
I agree 100%. Keeping Our Children’s Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell and Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp are excellent resources which have greatly aided us in understanding the importance of this.
3. I’ve learned that even with all the needs presented with children in the home, my husband’s needs must come first if I want him to be an effective leader.
YES!
4. I’ve learned that “WORK EXPANDS TO FILL THE TIME ALLOWED.” With each child born while I was teaching, I had to become more creative in figuring out how to get a day’s worth of work done in one afternoon. With my children now all school ages, I have been shocked to discover that a ½ hour job back with babies can easily absorb 2 hours now without. We will, subconsciously, let time slip away when we know we have it.
I've never found this to be true for me. As my babies grew up, God brought other opportunities into my life so that my work hasn't ever really expanded to fill the time allowed, because sometimes there still isn't time. Rather, oftentimes the housework gets neglected...
5. I’ve learned that changing our family diet to whole grains (via the Bosch system of making bread) greatly simplified my struggle to keep enough filling food on the table.
Although this is not nearly as important as meeting my husband’s needs and keeping our children’s hearts, we do make our own whole grain bread and love it. I will add, though, that I didn’t do this when I had three young children; during the years when I was homeschooling a crowd, the girls did much of the bread making. I do make it now and enjoy it...when I have the time.
6. I’ve learned that children need to be praised 10:1. For every admonishment you give, nine compliments need to follow.
YESSSS! I agree 100% but this is hard to do!
7. I’ve learned that most children, up through age 13, will only do their cleaning assignment up to about 60% of adult expectation…unless they own it.
I have found this to be true also. Steve and Teri Maxwell’s Managers of Their Homes (scheduling book and kit) and Managers of Their Chores (chore-managing book and kit) address this and are very helpful to me.
8. I’ve learned that the three greatest time wasters are: daydreaming, procrastination and indecision. These are all things that I can control in my life. A mother’s greatest time waster is NOT her children’s interruptions. We need to get that idea out of our heads.
I agree with this, although I don’t daydream or procrastinate much. I do struggle at times with indecision. It “freezes” me up and also gets me kind of discouraged. Often a quick phone call to Tim will make my decision and I can move on. For me, instant access to my husband’s wisdom is imperative to things running smoothly here. Fast forward to modern life with the invention of texting...and it’s even better…I can communicate with him even if he’s in a meeting! How great is that?!!
9. I’ve learned that after a dozen years of trying to get the children back on schedule come September, it was easier to keep the first three hours of the children’s morning the same year around. Naturally, summer brings plenty of activities which put us on the road for much of the day but the general rule remains that if we are home this schedule applies: the first 1½ hour is morning routines; the second 1½ hour is a mixture of the 3 R’s. Of course, during the school term, the second half becomes two to three hours longer.
We don’t follow this suggestion. Our summer is filled with lots of gardening and freezing/canning produce, and we have found that we just can’t do much school then. Plus, I enjoy a break from the routine of academics, although we do try to do some math every other day or so, and the kids occasionally do some writing as well.
10. I’ve learned that God wants me to study His Word with the same methods of study that I was naturally teaching the children…responding with pen and paper to what is read. As I taught the benefits of reading actively (with pen in hand), highlighting paragraphs, writing thoughts in the margin, reproducing the text in one’s own words on paper, the Holy Spirit begged the question: isn’t the Bible the greatest, living textbook to ever be used? Why don’t you study it with the same discipline and hope of benefit that you are giving common textbooks?
I agree 100%. A very profitable and valuable lesson.
11. I’ve learned that being a teacher is a MISSION rather that a role or job. My greatest accomplishments in teaching children have come in proportion to submission to the Spirit. Success lies not in a certificate but in the ability to inspire and motivate. Most children will teach themselves, taking responsibility for their education, once their heart has opened up through proper motivation.
I agree 100%. By the time each child reached third or fourth grade, he/she was mostly independent, coming to me only when they were stumped. My main job is encourager and motivator. I used to meet with them each day, for anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, but by the end of the year they were to the point where our meetings (if any) were more along the lines of five to ten minutes. Younger students obviously needed more time but the goal was always to be working toward independence. I couldn’t spoon-teach 8 kids; it’s impossible! And they knew I couldn’t, so if they wanted to continue school at home, which they all did, they must take that responsibility upon themselves. And they all did really well. The Self-Propelled Advantage by Joanne Calderwood was very helpful to me.
12. I’ve learned there are timeless teaching principles created by God, that, when applied, work for all people in all civilizations. Any mother can discover them, herself, by purchasing “The Seven Laws of Teaching” by John Gregory. Basically, they are the methods used by Jesus with His disciples.
I read this book, and made a list of the seven laws; but I don’t know what I did with the list. If I remember right, it’s basically common sense stuff, like “Present the material, test the material, re-teach the material, re-test the material, etc.” If I ever find my notes on it I’ll add them here – the book was difficult to obtain. Our library had to get it from some obscure public high school library, if I remember right.
13. I’ve learned that all I really have to do for kindergarten is: (a) Maintain my child’s accountability to first-time obedience. (b) Establish a daily family structure for character and security. (c) Read to him approximately 45 minutes a day from a wide variety of fiction and non-fiction books. (d) Involve him in my daily routine, delegating age-appropriate tasks and answering his questions enthusiastically.
(a) ABSOLUTELY!!!! (b) Absolutely!! (c) Although my goal was always 45 minutes a day, I doubt that I consistently got more than 30…and it seemed to work ok. (d) That’s called LIFE. And the key word is enthusiastically. (And yes, I found some days were harder than others to do this.)
14. I’ve learned that all I really have to do for grades 1-4 is: All the above plus the three R’s. I find history and science curriculum a waste of time up until a child is about nine. Choose biographies and some of the fascinating creation science books for children to read aloud. This is a natural approach to learning which fits into the reality of one woman being mother/teacher.
I agree 200%!!! I want to enjoy teaching my children!!! Steve and Teri Maxwell’s Managers of Their Schools has been another invaluable resource for me, although their textbook approach is definitely not for everyone. It has worked extremely well for us, though.
15. I’ve learned that decluttering my house, ruthlessly, once a year pays me back with mounds of motivation for keeping up the pace of having children around me full-time. Remember, a homeschool mom is not only storing clothes and toys down through all the ages of her children, but also curriculum.
I tend to declutter as I go, but if you don’t, this is very beneficial. Seems like our last few babies really forced us to do more organizing and decluttering as we needed more bedroom space! Also don’t be afraid to invest in organizing helps, such as over-the-door shoe holders (no more messy closet floors!) and under-bed storage boxes. We have found ourselves becoming more and more creative in this area as time goes by! Now that my house is almost empty (only three kids at home!), I still like to declutter...except for the children's books and toys that I tend to collect for the grandkids😏
16. I’ve learned that four days of academics is enough for any homeschool mom. I’ve never done books on Fridays. Instead, I call it “life skills” day. We clean, do other domestics, run errands, and just absorb the skills necessary to live in a more normal way.
Absolutely!
17. I’ve learned that assigning each child the same color toothbrush, towel, notebook tablet, cleaning list plus purchasing pencils with their names inscribed has saved me hours of confusion and strife.
We’ve never done this and I don’t feel like we have a lot of confusion and strife because of it. If we did I wouldn’t hesitate to try it, though.
18. I’ve learned instead of trying to figure it out by constant trial and error, I should have listened to the Holy Spirit’s promptings years ago and spent time in prayer before picking out curriculum. I would have saved my husband hundred of dollars.
Tim & I have always picked out curriculum together, and we have had few choices that we’ve regretted. One year we weren’t able to go to the Curriculum Fair, and we bought some things unseen; that year we regretted some choices. Usually through prayer and talking to others, we were always very satisfied with our curricula.
19. I’ve learned that even though I could have gone to college and earned a degree with much interest, no pursuit of study could have fulfilled me as much as nurturing my own children.
I did go to college and earn a degree, and used that degree to teach before we had children of our own; I can testify that it could never fulfill me as much as nurturing my own children. The rewards and blessings we’ve experienced are beyond description.
20. I’ve learned most homeschooling struggles have little to do with curriculum and children. The root problems are in the marriage relationship. Consequently, after seven years of struggles, my husband and I began to go on dates twice a month, specifically to discuss needs and goals of the children. This resulted in him fulfilling his role as principal of our school and protector of our home. A plan for our family was put on paper and much healing took place in our hearts.
I agree 100%. Tim and my dates aren’t specifically to discuss needs and goals of the children, because being together and focusing on each other is just as if not more important, but we do purpose to go away alone often. Although we don’t have a plan on paper, it’s a great idea.
21. I’ve learned at my first child’s graduation, I had a deep peace from all the hours spent with him the past 18 years. Sure, there were regrets, but, generally speaking, I didn’t feel the emotional need to make-up for lost time in his life. I was ready to send him off to be “tried by the world.”
Yup. At this point we have a deep peace about the time we’ve invested in our kids…no, they’re NOT perfect, but they are wonderful kids and we have a whole lot of fun with them. Their walk with the Lord is an incredible blessing to us.
22. I’ve learned that one mother can, realistically, only teach three children at once if she intends to help run the family business, be active in many church roles, charity work, etc. Obviously, many mothers are teaching more than three, but they will need to say “No” to most other tangents if they desire to keep their health and sanity.
Yup! That’s a constant struggle…the balance between school, church, fellowship, extended family, work, a clean house, nutritious food, steers, pheasants, hobbies, and all the other things that demand our time and attention. We’re still working on finding that balance, which is obviously different for every family. Maybe it’s a lifetime lesson. (?)
23. I’ve learned I will only say “No” with a smile when there is a bigger “Yes” burning inside of me. The key to time management in home education is one’s personal vision. Even if your first child is newborn, it’s never too early to begin studying God’s Word and other factual resources to discern His Will for your family concerning educational choices.
YESSSS!!!!!
24. I’ve learned while there exists many similarities in the task of raising Godly children, there also remains many variables that can greatly alter lifestyles from one family to the next. Does your husband work for a large company an hour drive away or is he self-employed at home? Do you live in the city or country? Practice discretion to avoid the trap of trying to copy other families. In ALL areas, much prayer is needed to determine what works for your family. Give the Lord a list of your questions and needs, and then let it rest with Him. A happy relaxed mom willing to make mistakes is more nurturing to her children than a tense, brow-wrinkled perfectionist.
YESS!! I’m a slow learner…a few summers ago God showed me very clearly that our family is unique and it is very detrimental to me to compare us to others. Yes it’s good to get ideas from others, as long as we don’t hold ourselves to others’ standards. Suddenly I felt “freer” than I did before, if that makes any sense! That sense of freedom has lasted strongly – I have never since been tempted to seriously compare our family to others.
25. I’ve learned never to despise a day of small beginnings.
Lamentations 3:22-23!! “Great is thy faithfulness!!!”
Written by an Indiana sister
Response by an Illinois sister
